Can Purell be used as lube?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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