He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
