I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
