One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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