all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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