You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
