we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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