how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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