I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
