four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
