He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
