Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize