Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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