Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
