he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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