If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
