What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
