we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
