Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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