I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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