Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
