I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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