I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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