kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
