what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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