Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
