i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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