i don't like sucking hair
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
