I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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