I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
