i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
