I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
