I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize