Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
