Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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