It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
