so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
