Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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