i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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