She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
