I used to practice getting hit by cars.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
