and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
