so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
