i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
BRING THE BAGELS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
