He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
