are you so shy because you have an std?
Fuck appropriateness.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
