you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
