Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.

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(917): View more from New York City

It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

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(805): View more from California

I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed

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(702): View more from Nevada

I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable

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(615): View more from Tennessee

6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder

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