She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
