No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
