We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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