I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
