I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
