sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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