Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize