Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
