She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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