I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
