Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
